Love and Loss

My life has been wonderful and blessed. At least until Wednesday, October 5, 2011. That is the day that my world was turned upside down and nothing will ever be the same again. That is the day that I lost my best friend, my soulmate, my husband. That is the day that my "everything " was taken from me. It started out like any other day. I was taking the recycling out to the curb. My husband said he wanted to take a walk. I put Alex down for his nap and hopped on the computer. And then there was a knock at the door. And there was a cop standing on my front porch, telling me I needed to come to the hospital, that someone had seen Keith collapse while on his walk. And then we got to the hospital and I saw him lying there on the table, not responding, with so many people doing everything they could to bring him back to me. But his heart had given out and it would not start beating agian. He was gone. And a piece of me was gone as well. I am left incomplete, no longer whole.

To better understand Keith's place in my life and in my heart, here is a little backstory. I met Keith when I was 16 and he was 19. It was the summer before my junior year. He was friends with my best friend's boyfriend. The four of us spent a lot of time together that summer, hanging out, playing mini golf, going to the local Renaissance Fair. We got to know each other as friends and then it blossomed into so much more. That is the summer that I found the love of my life, the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And I felt so blessed that I had found him at such a young age so we would have a lifetime together.

We dated throughout the rest of my high school years, all through my college years. I came home from college every weekend to be with him. He had started his own computer business just before we met and I would work with him there during the summers. After I graduated, we moved in together and I went to work with him full-time. Ever since that time (June 1998) we have been together practically 24-7. Over the years, many have asked how we managed so much togetherness. They were amazed, like it was some sort of challenge to be together so much. We relished it. Why wouldn't you want to be with your best friend all of the time? In 2003, we finally made it official and got married. Keith has told me he felt married to me almost from the beginning, so to him it was just a piece of paper. And our life didn't really change after the ceremony. The only real difference seemed to be my last name. Otherwise, our life together marched on happily just as it had before the wedding.

We spent many wonderful years together, just the 2 of us, and then we decided we were ready to bring another member into the family. In December 2009, we welcomed our son, Alex, into the family. And then we were 3. Keith was so excited to be a father and he was an incredible, loving, wonderful father. He was the one to give Alex his baths, he made sure he told him how much he loved him every day, he loved to play with him, and take him for walks, and to the park. Earlier this summer, we took Alex to the circus and I don't know who had more fun, Alex or Keith. It was such a joy to watch them together. And Alex looks just like his Daddy. Everyone always comments on that. And now it is so bittersweet to see my son's sweet face.

We have been together for 19 fabulous years. And before Wednesday, that sounded like a long time. But it isn't. It is such a short, short period of time. We were supposed to have another 50 or 60 years together. We were going to start trying for another baby. Keith wanted to buy an RV and travel around the country as a family, seeing all that the country has to offer. We were going to grow old and grey together. And now all of those hopes, dreams, and plans have vanished.

Keith was a beloved member of our families, of our friends, of our business clients, of so many in the community. There has been such an outpouring of love and support from so many. I have been hearing from our high school classmates that we haven't spoken to in 15 years or more. And they all still remember what a truly incredible man my husband was. He is the smartest person I have ever met. He is kind, loving, sweet, fun, wonderful, incredible. And I am going to miss him so much. He has always been my rock, my anchor, my support. How do I go on without him? How do I raise our son to be the man Keith would want him to be? How do I get through each day without a hug and kiss from my husband? Without hearing him say I love you? Without feeling his hand holding mine? How do I get through the next minute, the next hour, the next week, the next year? How?

Please keep me and Alex in your prayers. We have a long, difficult journey ahead of us.


Kelly